11/04/2006

i've seen these floating around and have decided to finally face up to a few of my demons and put this into writing...

A letter to my 16 year old self,

You're 16 today, a day for celebration in most peoples eyes, your dad has just given you a beautiful card and gifts and you're off to your mums in a bit to see her and get your presents. When you get there you'll realise just how much you miss living with her and just how much you need to sort your head out.

You left your mums house at 14 after going off the rails, you thought living with your dad would help, a routine and support. You couldn't have been more wrong. You've spent the last two years living with an alcoholic who was physically and mentally abusive. You decided to get your revenge by writing songs lyrics all over the walls and destroying everything of hers that you could find, playing hardcore music so loud the picture frames fell off the walls and sinking into a deep depression. Looking back it was immature and you shouldn't have done it, but you were overcome with anger. She comes home and you phone your dad asking him for help and end up smashing her round the head with the phone to win yourself a few precious moments to run out of the house and down the road to Kirsties.

Your dad got you out of the house a few months ago after everything came to a head and he had to install a lock on your bedroom door to stop her stealing your stuff, you still don't know where your birthday cards or coursework went. You feel completely ruined, you can't trust anyone and have absolutely no self esteem or faith in yourself. You've stopped going to school and the vice principle comes round in the mornings to practically drag you there, telling you you're capable of so much more, you're better than this. You don't know it yet, but it can and will get better. You paint on a smile when you're at school and 90% of your friends have no idea what you're going through, Kirstie comes out for dinner with you and your dad every night and you spend a lot of time on friends' sofas. Anything to avoid going home.

Its the summer and you now live in a little cottage with your dad and you're soon to move in with his new girlfriend for a few months... you don't know it yet but your dad has just bought a huge bungalow with her and you'll be moving in there...

At this point you are completely, and uttely in love with P. You've been on and off for about two years yet he hasn't text you today. Over the next few months you'll find out he's been seeing someone else and will crumble yet again, this never ending cycle of head fucks and mind games will continue for the next two years until you move to uni and he moves to canada, in the last few weeks before that move you'll fight as hard as you possibly can for him but nothing will change. It will all work out for the best though, don't worry. (You'll date M for about 6 months in this time, he'll break up with you after sleeping with your best friends friend, K. You'll feel ruined, your 18th birthday will come along, and M will text you: 'Happy Birthday, I hope you have a nice day' not all guys are pricks!)

Back to the bungalow, Dad's new girlfriend is clearly only in it for the money, the bungalow looks as though it belongs on Cribs and you never, ever see your dad. Monday to Friday you go to sixth form, you work at gap on Saturdays and after a few months of waking up on sunday mornings to find your dad, girlfriend, and her two kids gone, you'll decide to work at gap on sundays as you feel completely alone and it takes your mind off things. Over time things start to suck, bad. She'll hide the bath plug from you to stop you using the bath late at night, and will make you do your own cooking and laundry as well as cooking for her and your dad twice a week and doing chores around the house. She'll stop your dad from giving you any money at all and he'll have to hide it in your room, or in your car. Once again he's completely consumed by love and oblivious to what you're going through. You blame him now but in the years to come you'll understand it was hard for him too, you'll forgive him, I promise.

Sixth form is going pretty well, but your mum is in hospital, critically ill. You're told she probably isn't going to make it and on a random trip to visit J in Birmingham, you get a tattoo of her name on your foot, noone knows but you cried for the whole 30 minutes it took, not because it hurt, but because you were terrified. Your mum will be in and out of hospital for the forseeable future, a constant rollercoaster ride of intensive care and surgery, minor improvements and major setbacks, two years fly by in a blur of A-levels, Addenbrookes hospital, and the university clearing system. Don't worry, you've made the right choice.

On the 22nd September 2008 you leave the bungalow with all your stuff packed, the bitch and her kids are coming up to derby with you and you won't talk to her the whole day apart from a quick 'bye' when her and your dad leave.

You didn't know it then but the moment that door shut and you slid down it, sat on the floor, and sobbed for 20 minutes only for Verity (she'll be your flatmate in halls, and housemate for the next 4 years...by the way!) to knock on it and scare the shit out of you, was the moment your life changed.

It's now almost exactly 5 years after your 16th birthday, your dad isn't with the bitch anymore (she whored off and had an affair), you're with Stew and haven't heard from P in almost two years (you like it that way, believe it or not!!). Verity has become your closest friend in the world and you probably couldn't tell her how much she means to you if you tried. You're well on your way to achieving a first in your degree and you're planning to do a Masters Degree (holy shit, right?!). Every now and then you're plagued by the past and you still find it hard to trust anyone or believe anyone would want to be your friend. You haven't seen the alcoholic or the bitch for almost a year and you're finally, after 5 years, starting to get over everything. Who'da thunk it, kid?

Chin up, you twat!
xo

(so there it is, a little, well large, insight into the last 5 years of my life!)

Can you cook? Do you want to learn?

I just thought I'd write a quick blog post today about my friend Sara (pronounced the same as Sarah!). I'll give you a little bit of a back story first as it's somewhat hilarious!

Sara and I shamefully met on MySpace many, many, MANY years ago because quite frankly, I fancied her mate Tom (I know, MySpace crushes!!). I was the ultimate in 'scene' at the time and blah blah blah we spent many weeks at each others houses (in York and Cambridge, may I add) and were as close to best friends as we could be considering we were hundreds of miles apart! Obviously once sixth form and University happened we were screwed and haven't been able to see each other since she came to stay with me in Derby when I went to an open day!

Aaaaaanyway, Sara has recently started a cooking blog called Sara's Cooking Diary. It's absolutely amazing and I've been writing down the recipes as she's been posting them so I can try them out when I have the time (at the moment my meals are quick things that I already know).

I really think you'll all love her blog and you can also find her over at her Twitter :)

xo

Weight Loss Goal 1: Week 2

Hey Everyone,
Frustratingly this week I've actually stayed the same, there are a few reasons for this:
* I've been really stressed and haven't had time to think about what I'm eating constantly.
* It's 'that time of the month' which always makes me bloated and heavier (and I've also craved chocolate and things more)
* I haven't done as much walking
* My water intake wasn't high enough

I think its really important for me to be aware of where I went wrong so that this week coming I can put double the effort in to try and catch up for this weeks 'no change' :) I'm not feeling set back or upset or anything because I haven't gained!

Just because I can't stand blog posts with no photos, here's a stupid one of me and the other half before we went to the cinema last night:


That said, HAVE YOU SEEN BATTLE LOS ANGELES? ohmygooooooooooooodness! It's the best film I've seen in years! Go and watch it!

Are you doing my little mini weight loss goals with me? How did your week go this week?

xo

Friday face and new hair :)

Hey everyone!
SHOCK HORROR! an actual make-up blog! ;)











Face: Esteé Lauder double wear in shell, mac msf natural in 'light', mac wonder woman msf in 'pink power' used as a contour, blush and highlight.

Eyes: mac paint pot in 'chilled on ice', mac e/s in shroom (highlight), woodwinked (all over lid), carbon and sable (mixed together through crease). L'oreal HIP gel eyeliner, urban decay 24/7 pencil in 'zero' and l'oreal telescopic carbon black mascara.

Lips: liz earle superbalm ♥

I got my hair cut today by the Senior Artistic Director (ooooooooooooooooh) at Mark Scott in Derby, she was absolutely fantastic and stuck to my 'brief' perfectly:
'i want to keep the length, have a few layers put through, and lose a lot of the weight from the front as its heavy and just hangs there'
I'm SO happy with it :)

You can see the before in the images above and here:


here is the after:



are you glad to see me back showing you the slap on my ugly mug? ;)

xo

Weight Loss Goal 1: Week 1

Hey Everyone,
So, I've just reached the end of week 1 of my quest to be healthier. I've created a dedicated weight loss tumblr where I update daily about my food diary, how I'm feeling, inspiration pictures, etc :) Feel free to follow that if you wish! So anyway, my quest to be healthier... fitter... and slimmer...

I've lost 2lb!!!!!!!

That takes me from Xstone 5lb to Xstone 3lb!!

I am quite literally ecstatic and it's given me so so SO much more motivation to keep going to reach that first 7lb goal! I'm literally so chuffed! I just keep thinking to myself "only 5lb to go!" even though I know really it's a lot more than that!

Because plain text blogs are boring, here's are some photos I've been looking at this week:




That's it for this week guys!
Thanks for reading :)
xo

Bag a Brilliant Bargain

Hey everyone,
I posted about this previously a couple of days ago but I've started a little blog with a bunch on my stuff on it that I'm selling super cheap! There are many reasons for this but the main ones are:
1. I have no space in my room
2. I could do with a little bit of extra money!

I'd really appreciate it if you could take a look and see if you would like anything, no matter how big or small :)

I'm happy to do cheap postage, ship internationally, or even throw little bits in free with some of the bigger items! I just desperately need rid of these things! :)

You can find the blog sale HERE!

Thanks so much for reading :)
xoxo

My favourite haircare products at the moment :)

Left to right:
Charles Worthington 'Dream Hair' Total transformation vitmain-enriched styling spray - the newest addition to my hair styling routine, this protects from heat and keeps my hair straight and shiney for days. love it!

Paul Mithell Super Skinny Relaxing Balm - this shortens my 'blow dry time' and keeps my hair smooth. It also helps me to blow dry my hair as straight as possible and limits fly aways :) I've had this ages and I'm not even halfway through, its wicked value for money!

LUSH 'Retread conditioner' - this stuff isn't cheap at almost a tenner a pot and it smells a bit weird, but its a miracle worker. To see results from this you need to use it about three times, so don't be disheartened when your hair isn't amazing after the first wash! Just sayin'

Healthy Sexy Hair soy treatment - I raved about this recently. It's quite literally a life saver/holy grail/must have/i could not live without it. ;)

Dove intensive repair express treatment conditioner - does exactly what it says on the tube and its really cheap :) I've actually been amazed to notice the difference in my hair since using this, its amazing!

Aussie 3 minute miracle 'take the heat' and 'reconstructor' - I'm naughty and I mix these two together when I use them for heat protection/repair, AND intensive treatment :) as I've said before, I've used 3 minute miracle for about 6 years now and I still love it unconditionally. I always have at least one bottle/sachet in the bathroom and I doubt that will ever change!

*not included in the photo:
Coconut oil - I've started using this on my hair since seeing Gem use it in her youtube videos and I'm absolutely hooked now!

John Frieda 3-day straight - this seems to have on and off days with me. On its good days, my hair is straight, smooth, and shiney... on its off days, my hair is frizzy, sticky, and kinky... can't quite make my mind up!!

What are your favourite haircare products at the moment? Love/loathe mine?

xo

Bliss Giveaway WINNERS!

Gosh I completely forgot I was hosting this giveaway! Better late than never! The two winners are:

Charlotte and
Laura

Congrats girls! Please email me stat with your addresses so I can finally get these out to you ;)

To anyone who entered but didn't win, don't worry! There will be another giveaway soon!
xo

Weight Loss Goals: Goal 1

Hello Ladies!
This is going to be a new series here on my blog, I appear to have woken up this morning and something has 'clicked' in my brain, telling me the Rick Waller look isn't good for me anymore, and that I can do it, I can lose a bit of weight, tone up, be slimmer, look better, feel healthier. Yes, it's hard. Yes I'll feel like shit some days, but it's possible. It's possible for anyone to do it really, you just have to put your mind to it! Around this time last year I lost 3 stone, through pure hard work. That 3 stone is back on again now, so it's time to crack the whip!



Instead of saying to myself, 'I want to lose 3 stone' or 'I want to drop 3 dress sizes' I've decided to to this in baby steps, that way its easier for my brain to handle, and I won't feel like I'm 'failing' so easily! I'd really love to be at a healthy BMI, and look and feel better for my Graduation (EEEEEEEEEEK!) in January next year, so this isn't a mad rush quick fix... it's going to be a relatively slow journey to my goal. And I'm happy with that :)



So, I've bought myself a new little notebook (it has a cupcake on the front though, for gods sake! haha) and I've jotted down my first few little goals, I'm going to share the first one with you on here today, and when I reach that, I'll share my second, and so on and so forth...

So, Goal 1: Lose 7lb.

Yup, it's that simple. I want to lose half a stone to reach my first weight loss goal milestone. This will take me from xstone 5lb to xstone 12 lb. I feel like its easily achievable and really, if I set my mind to it, I can probably do it in about 4 weeks! That said I'm not putting a time limit on myself, and I'm not going to 'ban' myself from having anything (apart from fizzy drinks, I'm trying give them up for the whole of lent!).



How am I going to do it? I'm going to calorie count using the 'my fitness pal' app on my iPhone, I've spoken about it before and it's awesome! I'm also going to try to do a bit more exercise (walking to uni and town, maybe using my exercise bike every now and then) and I'm aiming for a loss of 1.5-2lb a week :)



I'd really love as much love and support from you lot as possible (although you've never let me down yet!) and if you'd like to join me with Goal 1 you're perfectly welcome, just e-mail me at the address at the top of my blog and let me know! I'll be happy to post your updates and progress along with mine!

Sorry this is just a bunch of text! It looks a bit crap really but oh well! I had a lot to say!

xo

Do you need energising?

After trying (and loving) the energising body lotion and writing about it here, I was thrilled to be able to try the Body Wash, Body Scrub and Natural Bristle Body Brush!



Body Wash:
This smells amazing, just like the lotion, and really wakes me up in the mornings. Its a fairly runny gel like liquid and lathers up easily. After using it I definitely felt more alert and my skin was really soft and smooth. Its really revitalising and has become one of my mornings essentials now :) 10/10



Body Scrub:
This, again, is gel like, but it is absolutely PACKED with little dark scrubby beads (that are actually ground olive stones, by the way!) :) exactly how I like a body scrub to look, I hate the ones that have about 5 exfoliating beads in the whole bottle! This smells the same as the Body Wash and Body Lotion and means that you get double-invigoration in the morning if you use both products! This has really helped to get rid of the gross bumpy bits on the tops of my arms and leaves my skin feeling smooth and clean. 10/10.



Natural Bristle Body Brush
I have never tried dry body brushing before so when I was sent this, I'll admit to being a little bit scared! Dry body brushing has a whole list of benefits, the main ones being better circulation, elimination of toxins, and smoother, softer skin. It is highly recommended that when you first start doing this, you're really gentle, as the bristles are quite harsh at first and it can be a little bit painful! I now do this every other day, sweeping the brush upwards towards my heart, starting from my feet and working my way up my body. I've definitely noticed that I have better circulation in my legs and I feel really refreshed and awake after I've done this! I'm really glad that I took my first step into body brushing because I'm a little bit addicted now! The interchangeable long handle and hand strap on this brush are really good too, and make things a lot easier :) yet another 10/10 for Liz and her absolutely incredible products! Does she ever get anything wrong?!


The Body Wash retails at £7.90 for 100ml or £11 for 200ml. The Body Scrub retails at £5.35 for a 50ml tube or £12.75 for a 200ml tube. The Natural Bristle Body Brush is just £7.40! As always, all of these amazing products are available from the Liz Earle Website

xo

Unicorns I love them....

I was asked a while ago what happened when I wash my hair... so I got Stew and his trusty Nikon D3000 into the bathroom with me and voila! This, is what happens every time I wash my hair:







Well, I guess thats just what happens when you're a Unicorn... ;)

xo

Take me down to the Emerald City...

Fully aware of how cheesey/rubbish my title is today ;) haha!

I bought this ages ago when they had that horrendous, poorly organised 50% off sale, I found it at the bottom of my 'nail polish basket' the other night and decided to slap it on as a bit of a quick fix! I'm quite amazed really, because I LOVE it!

Its practically impossible to photograph, you can't get the true colour with a flash, but without a flash it won't let you focus properly and you can't see how glittery it is.... buhhhhh.








In the photos above I just had two coats on, no top coat or anything..

I never thought I'd like bright green nails, let alone bright green solid glitter nails, but when I went shopping the other day, I got compliments on it in every single shop I went in :) scoreee!

Have you ever worn Emerald City? Were you a bit reluctant at first like me?

xo

Product rave: Garnier soothing restorative balm

Seeing as I'm holding out until payday (friday! come onnnnnnn!) to order my much coveted Liz Earle Superbalm I've been rooting through my huge (soap and glory) box of products in an attempt to find something to soothe my sore, dry skin. I dunno what it is at the moment but I feel like a scaley monster! I found this buried in there and thought 'sod it - might as well try it'. I've a feeling I bought it on a whim in Boots a while ago and completely forgot about it!

I've been slathering it onto my legs, feet, knees, arms and elbows for the past week and my skin is soft, supple, and no longer sore! Yayyyy! It smells really good and applies easily. Out of the tube it looks a bit like a body butter but as you start to rub it in it takes on more of a balm like form and sinks into skin really easily :) It didn't leave me sticky or tacky, and didn't leave any marks on my clothes. It not lives in my handbag for on-the-go moiturising and I'll definitely be stocking up on it to replace my much loved Palmers Cocoa Butter because it blows that right out of the water!

Yet again, I can't find this on the Boots website (sort it out, boots, will you?!) but I did find it here, here and here! The third link is the cheapest, its on a mega good deal :)

If you suffer from dry skin this is an absolute must-have in my opinion!

xo

Katie Fforde - Living Dangerously

This is the second book out of the three I borrowed from the tiny staff library where I work. I'm going to order it from Amazon today though because I love it so much I want to read it again!



This is one of those page turners that leaves you screaming at the black and white typed pages because you're so into it! On many occasions I was overheard shouting 'NOOOOO' or 'AWWWW yay!' whilst reading this, haha! :)

It basically tells the tale of a 'plain jane' called Polly Cameron, she's been celibate for years and isn't interested in men, or her appearance too much... Her mother is constantly on her back about finding a 'nice, double barrelled gentleman' to marry and her cat is going mental with old age. This story is simply delicious and makes perfect daytime reading. One night whilst reading this I glanced at the clock and it was 5am! My suffering the next morning was well worth it though ;)

This is available from Amazon or eBay, I'm going to snap up a copy for myself right now and I'd strongly suggest you do the same!

Also, whilst mooching in WHSmith yesterday I noticed that Katie Fforde's newest book is on offer for £4 in there! Snap it up! It's amazingggg!

xo

I know book posts are a bit different so let me know if you hate them!

Tara Smith: thoughts on the 'Top Coat Glosser'

Hey everyone!
I've used the Tara Smith 'Top Coat Glosser' that I blogged about 7/8 now and thought I'd share my thoughts with you :)

This is realy simple to use, you just style your hair as normal, then spritz this all over your hair. It comes out in a really, really fine mist which makes it a lot easier to control the amount you use and to ensure that you don't 'drown' your hair in it!

The scent is really fresh and lovely and it makes the hair really, really shiney!! (big thumbs up for that!). Then you just get on with your day/in my case, go to sleep and let the Top Coat seal your style and work its magic!

Normally when I wake up my hair is all kinky, frizzy, and just generally a mess, even if I have straightened it until its POKER STRAIGHT the night before, it just doesn't stay that way! Every time I've used this product I've woken up with straight, tangle-free, shiney hair and the other day I snapped some quick photos of it for you :)





I'm really, really impressed with this and absolutely love it! I'm gong to try it out on my hair extensions soon to see if it makes them as lovely as it makes my real hair, it really seems to 'seal' my style and make sure my hair stays straight and smooth overnight and throughout the day. I've also noticed it makes my hair less knotty and limits the amount of tangling/mattted bits I get :)

10/10 from me girls! I'd strongly recommend this!

xo